It has been a long time since I worked the job market. I started working with my current company 15 years ago. To be honest, I never had any intention of looking elsewhere. I thought I was in a good place, so it came as a shock to me when I was subtly informed I needed to start searching for a better fit.
That was the first source of rejection I felt. Have you ever been asked to leave somewhere, like kicked out? It is a weird feeling. You feel normal, then you are told that you are not. In life, we tend to find our comfort zone and stay there. Someone telling you that you no longer belong in a place causes you to look up from that comfort and reassess. I looked up realized that I had been sitting in the slow lane, enjoying my music on a casual drive while the world zoomed by me in the fast lane. I had to accept that I had been left behind. I no longer fit in where I had spent so much of my time.
Then there is the job market. Interviewing is like online dating. You basically swipe right for anything that seems to be a match and then see how it goes. Also, like internet dating, the other person has to accept. I will be honest though, the reject that comes before the first date is easier. There was not a lot of commitment, no anxious energy spent. It sucks, but not the worst kind of rejection. The worst is when you have poured a ton of energy into the interview, preparing, studying, stressing, and then you don’t get it. That one hurts, and yeah, it hurts like a break up. All that energy and effort just tossed aside like it meant nothing.
I was dealing with all that rejection when I sat and had coffee with my mentor. (I don’t think he would call himself that anymore, but I still do #sorrynotsorry.) We had a wonderful conversation and he helped me realize something: we can choose what we believe about ourselves. The clanging gong of rejections sounds a lot like, “you’re not good enough.” It was easy to come to that same conclusion when I was told I didn’t fit in anymore. Why? Because I’m not good enough. They didn’t want to hire me, or even give me an interview. Why? I’m not good enough. OR… I can choose to believe what I know to be true. I’m a good person. I work hard. I add a lot of value to the people around me. I am good enough.
There is also a certain book that tells us what we should think about ourselves if we want to spend some time reading it. That book tells us we are endlessly valuable to the creator of the universe. We are worth the blood of Christ. That’s something special.
I won’t sit here and say I had an epiphany and no longer struggle with it. Rejection sucks every time. It doesn’t spin me out though. I can read the rejection and say, “bummer,” then keep moving forward. My value doesn’t come from my job. It is innate, created in me. I don’t have to have a job to realize this. My job is just another avenue where I can express that value.