It’s A Wonderful Life is a Christmas time classic. A cinematic treasure. When I’m asked about it, it is a movie I say you will dread watching but never regret. We always dread those old slow black and white movies, especially the ones that pushed 3 hours. Once we have detoxed modern Hollywood out of our system and can settle into to actually watch the movie, they are rich with story and character. I watch this movie every year…since I got married I think, so some 13 times. This year it really hit different.
First of all, after all these years, I never realized the story is framed off of Tom Sawyer’s funeral. I read Tom Sawyer this year and STILL didn’t make the connection until my wife read about it online and told me. Then all the little things started click for me. That’s not what really did it for me though.
The part that really got me what the main character, George Bailey. From the very start of the movie they introduce George as a person with big dreams and big aspirations. He wants to see the world and do big important things. The problem is that he has a strong sense of responsibility, which keeps stopping his grand adventures. Every time he is about to break free of his dusty old town, something happens, his dad dies, his brother gets a job opportunity, the great depression, etc. Every time something comes up, he puts the welfare of others before his own, but it isn’t in a loving sacrifice kind of way. It builds into resentment that boils to desperation and peaks at suicide. It takes divine intervention to break through the resentment so George can see how immense the impact of his life is.
I have lived that life for as long as I remember. I have always had big aspirations, wanted to accomplish big things. Why? Because big equals meaningful. I want my life to matter, just George did. Doing small acts of kindness were important but didn’t add “real” meaning into the world or in my self. I have always had a strong sense of responsibility, which has lead me to doing quite a few things that made me miserable for a long time. My prime example is that I promised myself I would never be a cube monkey (someone who works in a cubicle) and here I am, working 9-5 in a cube because my family needs the security. That resentment is real too. Watching life pass by while I sit in my cube is like twisting the knife.
I have not had the same type of divine intervention that George received, but I do believe God has had me on a path for a while and has been drawing me closer and closer to this conclusion. That my life is not a waste and that I’m worth more than my life insurance policy. The overly developed sense of reasonability is not the source of my resentment, but driver for my impact. Life isn’t about one big grand display, but series of persistent decisions made that touch the hearts and lives of the people around me. Working my cube job isn’t the death of me, but the means by which I can influence and impact people and support my family.
I have to be honest, this lesson has not been fully realized within me, but I’m getting closer. My sinful nature wants to hold onto my resentment because it feel like giving that up means giving up my dream. What kind of distorted reality is that? Yeah, that what sin does. It distorts our perception of reality and fills us with pain and makes us think we should find the nearest bridge. But God does not keep us there. He shows us what it would be like without us, without the good we do. He fills our hearts with faith, hope, and love and we perceiver with a renewed joy.
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