As the school year winds down, my juniors are eagerly waiting for the summer to arrive. Before they get there, though, they are required to write a final paper for our vocations class about the three states of life in the Church and how their own strengths and weaknesses line up with them. Every year, I have a couple of students who feel a great deal of pressure to actually discern or commit to their vocation by the end of the paper. Obviously, that’s not really the goal, but I do try to tell them that it’s important to start thinking about it. The truth is that they are fast approaching adult hood and they are already making some major decisions that will have a huge impact on their future. Who they will become isn’t waiting for them to decide, they are already in the process of becoming that future person.
Having these conversations with them really did take me back into my own discernment process. Looking back on it, I spent a lot of time bouncing back and forth between two different types of waiting. The big difference is whether I was being idle or active. I’ve spent a lot of time in the first type. It’s a lot of sitting around, wondering when God will do or say something to let me know what He wants me to do. It probably comes as no surprise to you that this has never really worked. It results in a lot of sitting around in confusion and frustration. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, and because I’m not making any changes or taking any actions, I’m not getting any new information or giving God any new opportunities to speak to me. I’m just sort of sitting around, twiddling my thumbs, and waiting for revelation to just sort of happen.
On the flip side, I’ve also had a lot times where I’m still waiting for an insight and hint at what God is calling me to, but I work towards the broad strokes that I’m certain of. Regardless of whether God was calling me to priesthood, single life, or marriage, He was definitely calling me to draw closer to Him. I knew I needed to grow in holiness. I was supposed to know the Word better. Above all, I needed to grow in love of God, neighbor, and self. The times when I was moving closer to knowing my vocation were also the times where I was making myself ready to answer whatever that call was going to be. Healthy waiting, in my experience, isn’t about being still, but about being prepared.
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