I’ve been writing as I’ve been processing this change in my career. Oddly enough, I had a life event that is reinforcing some of the thoughts I had around regret.
I remember when I was in high school, wearing a chef’s coat cooking in the school kitchen on my extra period, promising that I would never work in a cubicle. Life happened and I needed a job, so I took the first thing that was offered. 15 years later, I’m sitting here doing cubicle work. Not a day has gone by where I don’t think about the promise I broke to myself.
In all honesty, it isn’t the cubicle that is the problem, it is what it represents. It represents living a life doing something I don’t care about. A job I am applying for will be an office job as well, but it will be with something I care about (so everyone please pray for me). I’ll have to see if that’s any different, I think it will be.
Not long ago, I had a conversation with my wife about my career. I was frustrated because I didn’t feel any pride for my work. I was developing zero legacy. When I was dead, no one would remember what I contributed to the world. There are some people who may see that as egotistical, and maybe it is. In all honesty, it isn’t about getting people to think nice things about me. It’s about doing something meaningful. It’s about getting to tend of my life and being able to hang my hat on what I did. I don’t feel that right now. When I look into the future I see a man looking back at a career and holding a pile of regrets.
I have submitted to God, so I know He is the author and finisher of my faith. He is in the driver seat and I’m riding shotgun (usually with my hand out the window doing the wavey airplane). That means, if I’m going to be consistent, that being pushed out of my current job is God’s will for my life. I could have made this change sooner, but I am someone who prefers comfort. I will stick with the devil I know rather than the one I don’t. I had it easy. I was comfortable. I was also miserable. God had to step in and push me out of my comfort zone.
I’m glad he did.
I’m also anxiety ridden and constantly on edge, not knowing what will happen tomorrow. BUT, I’m glad God has made me move. One of my biggest fears is becoming a bitter old man because I felt like I wasted my life. This is an opportunity to change my life and achieve my vision of the happy old man sharing life wisdom and joy.
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