If you listen to the podcast, you know that I’ve made a job change recently. This change required me to go back into the office. I have to be honest, it was a terrible time to get a new job. It may not be the ideal time to change careers, but the pressure test has helped me realize the need for clear priorities.
The job I have has a lot of end of year and end of month processing. I’m literally walking into the middle of tornado of work knowing almost nothing. I have to learn my position and build rapport with people who have no history with me. I also have to drive in to the office. It can take anywhere from 25-45 minutes to get to the office depending on when I leave and if there is an accident. The drive home is 35-55 minutes. They didn’t make me work fewer hours to account for my drive time, so that pinches my schedule by almost 2 hours. On top of all that, it is the holiday season. My company, my wife’s company, my kids school, my family, my friends are all having Christmas events. We have Christmas traditions. We have shopping and decorating and all the things Christmas. On top of that I have the added pressure of ASU being good at stuff this year. I’ve never had to worry about any of my sports teams being good, but of course, when it rains it pours.
Beyond all the…stuff, there is the relationships. My wife, my kids, my family, my fiends. Many of my traditions incorporate my relationships, but there is still an added pressure to make sure my people not just know that I care about them, but feel it as well.
I know we all feel a certain level of added pressure during the holidays. (I say holidays because, for me, it starts at thanksgiving and runs Mach 4 with it’s hair on fire through New Years.) What I’m feeling is not unique and absolutely a first world problem. I’m not saying all this because I want sympathy. I’m saying this because the pressure doesn’t go away. I can’t just not do any of these things. I can’t just not see family and friends. I can’t just not go to my new job. I can’t just tell my kids I’m too busy or stressed to celebrate with them. The only thing I can do is manage my priorities. The old saying goes, “you can’t manage your circumstances, but you can manage how you respond to them.”
Ok, so how do I do this?
Well, to be honest, I rely on my wife heavily. She manages our calendar. Having everything we do on our calendar allows me to focus on what I have to do in the moment. Not knowing what is coming down the pipeline, what’s coming next, that takes up brain space. I don’t have to worry what’s next. If I have a question, I can just look at the calendar and build my next steps accordingly. If I don’t know what is coming then I have to try and anticipate, which leads to worry, which saps my energy. Another benefit to a calendar is time management. If you have time blocked on your calendar and someone asks you to do something at the same time, then you have a proper reason to say no or suggest a different day. Double booking is one of the surest ways to make yourself miserable.
Next is realizing that postponing doesn’t mean canceling. I literally can’t do everything. I learned this the hard way this year. I have had a goal of publishing a shorty story every year for the last few years. This is the first year I missed the goal. I had some big projects and big issues that required a lot of energy. Once I spent that energy, I didn’t have any left for creative writing. It took me a while to realize that I’m not giving up on my story, I’m just postponing because of priorities. My family is my first vocation, so I have to make sure they are provided for. That means I have to ensure my job is secure. Starting a new job requires a lot of energy. If I only have set amount of energy each day, then the lion’s share is going to go to that. Then there is the energy demand of my family. That is a constant, like a mortgage payment. I can’t go into an energy deficit by forcing myself into something more at the end of each day. That deficit will make everything suffer, especially my writing. I also hate full re-writes because my head was in a bad place. It is more efficient and effective to have the energy to do it right the first time. My story can wait until the new year. I’m not failing it, I’m prioritizing it.
Having a calendar and being okay postponing things requires one last piece, the ability to determine if it is critical or a nice to have. One conversation my wife and I are having is whether or not breakfast all together is critical or nice to have. I value it tremendously. It is a way for me to ensure I set my girls up for success. It is a way for me to show them I love them at the beginning of the day. It also means I leave for work later and traffic gets worse by the minute. Which means I get to work late, so have to stay late, which means the traffic home is worse, which means I get home later and I’m cranky. The time I have with them is then rushed and not particularly good because of my mood. If I left super early, I would reverse all that, but miss breakfast. Could I maybe wake them up so they get a hug from me first thing as I leave? That would help them feel loved. The nutrition piece is a necessary, but can my wife handle it? It’s a legit question because she is already handling their lunch and backpacks as well as her own job. Those are the types of questions and conversations I have to have around almost everything to ensure I am keeping my priorities properly ordered.
You could work these in a reverse order as well, but for me, the structure is what fed the mindset. If you are a mindset person, then maybe you can start there and will motivate you to start a calendar. However you approach it, I highly recommend having a legit structure and mindset that supports it. That is the only way to, not just survive, but thrive through the holidays.
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