Killing Romance So My Conversion To The Dark Side Can Be Complete

I was once young and full of romantic dreams. Dreams of flowers and skipping and random musical montages that cause spontaneous song and dance numbers. There was lots of rose petals and chocolates (that don’t make you gain weight). Then came….High school. I was then shown a cruel world that slowly chipped away at my rose colored glasses. It pushed me to that point where I had to decide: stay in the light or submit to the dark side…..

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Did I make the right choice?

Probably not.

Why did I fail at love and choose to kill that side of myself? I can actually follow the path now in hindsight, but I’m not going to bore you with anxiety high school drama. Boiling it down to the most basic, I would say it was a wound to my sense of loyalty.

Since AJ and I are cousins, we have talked a lot about our family. We are very blessed with a great family. One of the reasons our family has remained close is a deep sense of loyalty. This was taught to me throughout my childhood. This was demonstrated to me by nearly all of my family members. Therefore, loyalty is my base operation in relationships.

High school is where I learned that not everyone operates this way. I was shown time and time again that people did not care about me. They cared about themselves. Loyalty cannot exist in a selfish relationship.

Our conversation on the podcast this weeks, we worked through Eros. AJ pointed out that eros is passion directed at the benefit of another. That made so much sense to me. Romantic love was the ultimate expression of loyalty. It was consciously choosing another person and caring deeply about their good. That is what a marriage is supposed to be. It’s not a 50/50 relationship. It is a 100/100 relationship. We have to be all in on the other, sacrificially. Isn’t that what loyalty is? Being committed to another? Committed to their good? For me, loyalty is my expression of eros.

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