Uninstalling social media apps have been one of the best things I’ve done in a long time.
I found myself wasting so much time scrolling through tons and tons of pictures and videos of people living their best life, people living the life I want to live, people living a life that I am clearly not. Beyond the numbing feeling that comes from mind numbing scrolling, I found that there was a two step progression that stole my happiness.
First, I began comparing myself to everyone on social media. Mentally, I understand that social media is a snap shot of a specific time and place. It is not a true representation of someone’s life. That understanding let me enjoy these pictures and videos. What happened though, is that the more I scrolled the more I saw. I started to see so many different people living these amazing lives that I could not help but notice that my life did not look like that. It is especially clear that my body does not look like that. I did not start by comparing myself, like I was shopping for used cars. I did find myself in distinct contrast to what it seemed the majority of people had.
The feeling that I was missing something that seemingly everyone else had left me feeling sorry for myself. I felt like I was being robbed of the good life. This is despite other people telling me that they wish they had what I had. I have had so many people compliment me, but I didn’t hear it. I couldn’t hear it. I was deaf by self-pity.
This lead me to dieting and exercising and all kinds of random things, some which were silly and some have stuck around. I tried to be and do everything that everyone was doing on line. The issue is, because I didn’t truly want it, I struggled with them and all they did was make me frustrated. This sense of failure at the good life resulted in Envy. I wanted what they had and felt like I could not get it.
Envy is the thief of joy. It made me blind to all of the good things I have. I told myself I could never be happy unless I had what they had, unless I was able to show everyone that I too was living my best life. The issue with all of this is that it is a lie. What I have in front of me, my family and work, are real and true. I must stop chasing a lie and embrace my truth to see how blessed I am.