I have stayed here a few times that I struggle with calling and mission. It is something God is working on with me and I feel like I’m getting to a better place. I’m this journey, one of the things I’ve noticed pretty consistently is the ebb and flow of motivation.
I was on a walk the other day and listening to some music (NF if you are interested). I had this incredible surge of motivation. It was out of power and someone all of a sudden plugged me in. It was a ton of energy. That energy has been a source of chaos for me most of my life. Motivation is like electricity. It is raw power and likely to explode unless given a direction. I have never been good at harnessing that power and burned out more than once.
This experience with motivation felt different and I think it’s because of all the work I’ve been doing on my calling. I have finally had someone speak affirmation into me and that helped break down my imposter syndrome. That imposter syndrome was causing me to not take action. So, when I got a jolt of motivation, I imploded. Now that I’m settling into the idea that InkleDeux isn’t going to be an overnight success. That it might take 10 years and that’s ok. That we might just impact one soul beyond our own and that would justify the work. The acceptance of who we are, the work that we do, and the person God made has allowed me to start taking action again. That little bit of production was able to take the energy from motivation and direct it.
I thought all of this was really new to me, and it kind of is. I had someone else speak an affirmation into me that pointed out a cycle of making things happen. I hadn’t given myself any credit for any past work done, any past victories won. I took a moment and reflected and saw that my motivation has come and gone regularly. The peaks and valleys are different each time, sometimes smaller, sometimes larger. My call has remained consistent throughout all of it. I’m starting to think this journey is less like walking a road and more like the ocean wearing through the rock.
This experience has also helped me understand more about mission and calling. It is something that stays consistent. It doesn’t change with my feelings. It doesn’t adjust with what I’m into at the time. The contrast with motivation actually helped me see my call better. I think the key is patience and loyalty. Stay loyal to the call, not matter what. Then be patient with the results. God may need to work some of those rough edges off before you are ready for your work.
Working for my life’s vision of writing stories in a beverage shop that I own.