I’m a firm believer that age doesn’t determine who we are. It seems like our culture wants to tells us that as soon as you hit 40, your life is over. I also remember them telling me that when I got married and when I had kids. It wasn’t true when I got married, or had kids, or turned 40.
Life didn’t end at those moments, but there was a transition.
When I got married, I had to start providing. My first mortgage payment nearly gave me a panic attack. I had never made a single payment that large before. I started having bills and responsibilities and a need to ensure we had enough money. I was working so many hours that I barely saw the sun. I had to step up and couldn’t just let someone else handle the tough stuff.
When I had kids, I had to change to a responsible person. I was responsible before kids, but the kind of responsibility that keeps a small human alive is very different. I held a schedule before, but it was always fluid. When I had kids, we kept a schedule and we had to become disciplined. Saying “no” was the biggest change.
Turning 40 has also had some transitions. When I got married, I was able to work 59.5 hrs a week then go out and work 10 hours in the summer sun to get the backyard in good shape. I would be tired, but nothing a cool shower couldn’t fix. When I had kids, I stayed up with them for the first month while their sleeping schedule adjusted. I was tired, but it was doable. Now, if I work 3 hours in the sun, my brain is fried and it takes me a day to recover. As for staying up all night, I be dysfunctional for the next few days. The previous transitions were all mental or emotional changes. The 40 transition has been a physical one. It’s about knowing my limits, what I can do and what I can’t do.
Accepting that there are things that I can’t do anymore has been difficult. You’d think I’d be all, “hey, less yard work! Woohoo!” And it is that, but it is also seeing the disappointment on my daughter’s face when I said I can’t do the three mile run with her on Thursday because my recovery has been taking much longer then I expected. My kids used to look at me like I was Super-Man. Now, as we both get a little older and wiser, they see that I’m not. That has been the toughest pill to swallow.
It’s not all bad though. The benefits of this transition is a settling that I’ve never experienced before. The first 20 years is revving the engine to red nonstop. The next 20 you finally learn to shift, but the pedal is still all they way. When you get 40, it’s more like you finally got passed all the obnoxious 18-wheelers and you can sit back and enjoy the drive. I can speed up or slow down if I need to, but I don’t always need to. Sorry for the lack of specificity, but to be honest, I’m still figuring it out. If I were to give you an example, I think the best I could do is say that I now prefer having dinner at home with my close friends or family and seeing the kids get bigger and better. They are the future, the open road. I love to look forward and see what they will do.
All in all, God is the author of faith. He writes our story. Our plots are all different, but the structure is the same. We are the characters in this story and like any good character, we develop over time and through discovery. We can’t make it happen sooner…we’re characters, not the author. So, loosen your grip a little, ride the ride, learn and grow. Life is an adventure. Every day is different and we should value them all as such.
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